Pat Poke you’re cute. : A completely selfish post.

Why……..WWWWWWWHHYYY

People always poke me and pat my head and say how adorably innocent and cute I am.

Honestly, I tell them to not tell me so, but they always do.

They ignore me like its some joke and they continue to poke me and treat me like a little doll.

I’d rather be taken seriously and not be treated like a child…. Its the more people paint this picture of this little girl, its the more people will believe I wont have a strong willed persona underneath. It’s so hurtful to still be called cute and little and adorable because its making me underestimated to the adult I can be.

I know everyone wants to grow up, but Im a senior now… I want to have the same respect just as everyone else. I’ve been told in heart to heart talks that no one can believe that I have solid emotions and anger underneath that face.

Im done with it. I really wish I looked differently, because if I did, I’d have “solid emotion” and be percieved as a thoughtful being that can hold onto responsability with a purpose. I hate being in this body, frail and delicate. I want myself to be shown through these bones, not against. Had I looked any different…..I might be a different person.

People always laugh when I try to talk to them seriously, they always shake thier heads and laugh ….

It seems that my sentimentalism isnt worth much in this place.., its a sign of weakness, a sign of a deteriorating person inside. Its even in the eyes of the people around me that turn away at this weakness when I open up.

I wish I didnt look like a child, I wish I could stand taller, I wish i could hold my own weight and not be able to see my bones. I wish people saw past the bandages on my arm and try to even understand. Even my best friend.

why do you cringe, why do you pull away just as we become closer?

Why do you pull the sheets closer to your face as Im trying to encourage you?

Why do you avoid my eyes?

Why do you always tell me my sentimentalism was for nothing? And its bad?

Why does living life scare you…..

Im so confused. Just say what you need to say. Just say it, its written on your face. I just want to know where to go from here.

If I’m really that unbearable, tell me. Because the bridge you’re building to me isnt helping.

Why am I so wrong in helping you…

Switzerland

If it’s true… what you’re saying…

This’ll be the last year we’ll spend together..

We wont see eachother everyday like we do.

We wont laugh and see our smiles as we do

We wont be able to just lay on the floor talking about whatever for hours on end cursing the clock for its times past…

And it’ll be this way till its over.

You’ll be traveling..

And I’ll be waiting..

You don’t know how much I meant it when I said I’d miss you so very much.

Somehow Snow Patrol sticks in my head at this very moment. I dont want to hold you back from your life, I want you to be happy..

It’ll just be so hard to be alone.

my life. I cant take it anymore. Its my worst fears embodied in musical expression. I cant take it.

coolio song

exactly how ive been feeling all week.

And yeah… I do cry each night….. Is that so wrong?